I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
