16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
