I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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