His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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