He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
