I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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