So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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