My sheets look like a crime scene.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
