i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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