Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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