Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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