I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
