doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
