Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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