I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
