he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize