wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
