TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
