Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
