its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize