oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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