Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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