You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
