does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
