You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
