Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
