I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I love you. Go after that dick
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