I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
