its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
