shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
