If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
