my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
