i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
