my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
