i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
