When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm passing your future prison.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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