That's when you crack a 10am beer
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
