i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
