I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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