My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
