Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
