On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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