We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
