I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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