mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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