PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
