He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
