I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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