Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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