Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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