how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
