remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
