You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
how does that bad decision feel?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
