There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
