420 ftw
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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