Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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