I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize