made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
