Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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