Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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