So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
