He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
