That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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