The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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