i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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