Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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