So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize