dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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