Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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