11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
